I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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