Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
His nipple licking is glorious
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