plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
