i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize