mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
