I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
