I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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