His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
