considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
