I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
