Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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