chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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