Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize