I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
