Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
