How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize