my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
