you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
