the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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