im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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