There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
