I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
