i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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