Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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