champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
