I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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