she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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