I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
