Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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