her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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