Your dad touched me again.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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