Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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