yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
