I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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