i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
