guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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