The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
