I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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