Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
