I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
