Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
