You can't motorboat a personality
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
