wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
