I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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