get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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