peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
