That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
