you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
