my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
