I wish I could punch you in the face.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize