Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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