I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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