he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
