There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
