last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
