you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize