I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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