I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
