To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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