I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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