'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
