How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
