Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
