Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize