laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
