fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize