$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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