I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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