I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
