Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
