She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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