how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
