just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
