My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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