I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
