and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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