I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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