Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
