sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Alive.
So much puke
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
