I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
