can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
