You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to calm my uterus...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
