1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
