Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
