2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
