Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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