Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
