some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
