she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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