BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
