I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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