grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
