Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
