I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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