Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
