Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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