After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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