I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize