The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
