i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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