My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
