I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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