I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
