if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
