Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
