I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize