my vag is so smooth its legendary
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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